You would, too.

That, folks, is unedited farting. Classy.

But (and no puns intended), I think I know why he did that, and if I'm right, then...well...you would, too.

Yesterday, everyone made French Onion Soup. *cue heavenly chorus* Man, oh, man, was that stuff good.


The cutting the onions part wasn't so fun. Chef J.L. showed me how to cut an onion. I ALMOST cut a quarter of an onion in the time it took him to chop a whole one. I think I need to be a bit more angered before I can go at an onion like that. (But as all my readers know, it's really not to hard to anger me to that point)



So there's like...4 and 1/2 onions in a 3 gallon pot with 2 oz of butter.



3 days later is looked something like the above. Then, after it was caramelized, I deglazed the pan with brandy and boxed red wine, added a half cup of beef stock and let it simmer until it reduced.

After it was sufficiently reduced, I added the rest of the beef stock, some thyme, salt, and pepper. After that, I poured it into a ceramic bowl, added some parmesan cheese, and put it in the oven at 500*F for around 10 minutes. I topped it off with 3 small slices of toast (aka bread baked in olive oil--like light croutons)...and voila!

That's a darn lot of onions.

THAT'S why Rahm Emmanuel farted.

Melonhead

Yes, that is a swan made out of honeydew melon. No, I did not make it. I wish it did! I learned how to do it, and looks like a lot of fun! I did, however, make a 1970's grass plant vase (green onion and a peeled yellow squash).

(So classy!)

What I had the most fun making was a seahorse dewberry melon. One of the chefs printed out a picture of a seahorse, which I traced into a more basic image, and then eye-balled that image by pen onto the melon.

I used a paring knife to cut out the pen marks. So, you make one cut with the blade straight, and then another cut with the blade at an angle. That way, you end up exposing more of the dark interior. Luckily, I've seen 4.5 seasons of Bones, so I didn't need a lot of help with that part. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's probably better that way)

I used a curved tool (you can sort of see it on the lower right) to make the ridges.

The chef suggested that I make waves, so I did.

I shaved off the area around the seahorse and above the waves...(I love its little wings! They turned out so cute.)

There you can see the waves better...

I took out the background, so now it's bowled out and ready for fruit to be put in it. Wouldn't it look great with watermelon balls inside? Mmmm. After today, I am SO hungry for watermelon!

(A behind shot of the seahorse.)

So now I want to research what other people have done in the art of fruit carving! If you know of any sites, or have any pictures to share, please post a link in the comments!

The sea monkeys have my money!

My bedtime (since last summer) has been anywhere from 1 am to 3am. (My parents ask me, "Don't you go to school anymore?" since I only have 1 morning class) So lately I've been trying to be healthier, and that includes getting into a better sleeping pattern. Though I can't get to bed before midnight, I am working on what I eat for breakfast. 225 cal? I can't complain with that. (Though my par cal count for breakfast is usually 0)

I also partially ran a mile today, but I'm planning on making something with blueberries, chocolate chips, and phyllo dough later. Let's see if I can keep up and keep improving this routine.

Right, so you are just dying to know about me. So I'll give you want you want and just show you the food:

These are what I made in class on Tuesday. These are chicken salad (made with Tabasco, raisins, celery, heavy mayo, and dijon) in puff pastry.

These are berry sauce in puff pastry. I made these last minute, so I threw some diced apple, blueberries, brown sugar, lemon juice, and a cinnamon stick in a sauce pan and let it bubble for a while. The puff pastry was already pitted, so voila! Classy.

These are what I'm hoping to recreate tonight. They are homemade cream puffs, with blueberries, vanilla extract (vanilla bean sticks and vodka -- woohoo!) and chocolate chips. I melted them over a bain marie (double boiler) so the chocolate wouldn't burn.

Gotta be careful with chocolate...that stuff's precious ;)

Today, Wednesday, everyone was assigned to make clam chowder. I won't go into saying how incredible it was that everyone's looked/tasted different and how unique and precious every individual is for making such a unique soup.

I'll just say that I only tasted mine, and it was delicious, and the texture was dreamy. And yes, dreamy. There were quite a few not-so-appetizing soups on the tasting table.

And, yes, I won't exactly call you precious and unique if you lock me out of the store room one more pancake flippin' time. Gosh.

Prettyyy!!

And, in case you haven't been able to tell by now, I got a new camera phone. Virgin Mobile, I love you. I also have a $5/month package that lets me send 200 text messages a month, and I find great joy in this, which is why I have been...you know...taking picture of my breakfast.

If you'd like to see more pictures of my breakfast immediately after I take them, be sure to follow me on Twitter. Or, if you don't have Twitter, just go to my TwitPic page.

XO Mary

What's up, buttercup?

In the past, like, 2 months that I haven't blogged, I swear I haven't changed. How do I convince you of that?

1. Psych is still my favorite TV show.
2. Salsa con queso still remains my favorite entree.
3. Rummaging the fridge is still my favorite hobby.

Anyway, lately I have been cooking...

...and baking...

...a lot.

At home, I've made:

• 2 loaves of Banana/Zucchini/Chocolate-chip bread
• 24 vegan banana/walnut muffins
• 20 of Martha Stewart's Chick Cakes
• Martha Stewart's drop cookies
• an 11"x16" yellow butter cake (also Martha Stewart--think I'm getting use out of that cookbook I bought?) with chocolate buttercream frosting
• baked & breaded tarragon chicken (4 supreme cuts)
• a large bowl of mashed potatoes to go with it
• several bowls of carrots, sliced julienne (or something like julienne)
• deviled eggs with dijon

At school: I've made:

• ceviche, which I wigged out and didn't eat
• Italian Beef soup
• 2 pitchers of fresh lemonade
• deviled eggs with broccoli and paprika
• stuffed mushrooms
• sliced carrots with baked gingersnap stuffing

I've decided Italian cooking is the most fun, tastiest, and most likely to give me a heartburn. Asian cooking is a new area for me, and I've had so much fun discovering new ingredients (rice wine vinegar, fish sauce, ginger and garlic combo) and how "Asian" something can look with diagonal cuts.

I've also learned that I'm quite allergic to wasabi. (That's totally okay with me, though, as I don't intend on tasting that again. However, after I tried a seemingly small but outrageously HOT bit of wasabi, my left arm sprouted tiny red dots...that was not cool.)

I've also missed a LOT of classes because my digestive system decided it didn't like me anymore. It's okay, we broke up. It started at the end of February, and my mom took me to a doctor, who ordered a CT scan for me. Then...they had me drink some HIDEOUS 18oz drink.

Dad forced me to drink it. It was like I was Dumbledore and he was Harry Potter. No joke. I cried.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nVQPwH2m4s

And the scan went great. They gave me an XL cup of red Koolaid with "medicine" mixed in and I had nooo problem drinking that, especially after having not eaten or drinken drinked drank for 4 hours before that. (How did I get through THAT? Duh. I took a 2.5 hour nap, got dressed, and left for the hospital)

I will say that having a IV flushing cold liquid through my veins in the strangest sensation I've ever experienced.

So THEN, the doctor put me on a low-dose medication which made me go CRAZY for the next, oh, 5 weeks. I couldn't write a word of fiction, and couldn't think straight. I feared the people in white coats would finally come and take me away.

Actually, the tides have changed. I am now the mean person in the kitchen. Either that, or people in the kitchens are becoming more dumb.

Yesterday, I was sort of training a newbie culinary student. I had to walk him through making a parfait. I told him to cut up the banana. I don't think he even finished peeling it before asking, "Do you want me to save the peel?"

Then, I told him to whisk an egg yolk until it looked like lemon meringue. He began to stir it...very....slowly. "Whisk it. Fast," I said. He began a steady stir. "Faster." Medium stir. Then I shouted something like, "Beat the LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of it, Dan!" Except I didn't say living daylights. I said crap.

He was confused. I think he thought I was hazing him by giving him carpal tunnel syndrome. After that, I forgot that the chef said to "fold in" the yogurt and I had him whisk it in, which totally broke the emulsion. I told him to skip the topping, to wash the blueberries, mix in the banana slices, put the fruit in the martini glass, and sprinkle granola on top.

The chef is yelling at everyone to bring their stuff over and come over for tasting and final lecture. Dan asks me what he should do with the martini glass. I told him to put it on the tasting table. I don't think he quite believed me.

When the chef held up the martini glass, she asked what the liquid was in the bottom of the glass. "Water," I said. "Water?" she asked. "What's water doing in the glass?" I shrugged. "I don't know."

I guess it was leftover from when Dan washed the fruit. But he had to do something. My partner was working on soy pasta with veggie sauce and tofurkey. I had 20 minutes to squeeze a dozen+ lemons with a small, non-mechanical juicer to make (what turned out to be) 2 pitchers of fresh lemonade. I honestly think Dan didn't believe me when I told him he was going to have to make the parfait.

When I put the 2 pitchers of lemonade on the tasting table, I was embarrassed because I thought it was too much. Ironically, by the end of class, only 2 inches was left in one of the pitchers. That's with 14 people and only 1 oz cups. Needless to say, I was very pleased!

Also, one of the second years came in and I asked him if he wouldn't mind tasting the lemonade to tell me if it needed more sugar or not. He very gladly took it, and in return gave me and my partner each a 1 oz cup of chocolate ganache.

Not all of the second-years are that pleasant. When I had to share the same aisle (a row with 4 sets of stoves) with one of them, he got annoyed that I was invading his space. He told his friends he should come over and beat me up. I said something along the lines of, "Go ahead. I have a spatula. I could take you on." (Needless to say, he was not expecting me to say that.)

Having 2 brothers does have it's advantages.

God it very good to me,

Mary

A Different Perspective of Good Friday

I can in no way convey the thoughts of Christ while He was dying on the cross, but I'm posting this as a way to help myself and others gain perspective of what it might have been like for Christ. My theology and understanding of the Bible and the Gospel are far from extraordinary, so I hope you'll forgive (and correct) any errors that I may have, or segments that I may have left out.

Above is the sky, gray. Below is a crowd of people. The pain blurs your eyes, and it’s not just a single pain—it’s a pain unevenly distributed throughout your entire body, peaking especially in your hands and feet. Your back aches from lashes. Your scalp stings. The pain doesn’t go away, the wounds don’t even begin to heal because there isn’t any time for the wounds to begin to heal. You can’t lie down, or crawl into a corner and die. No. You’re upright and the whole public is watching you.

Your head rolls side to side, your cheek brushing against the splintered wood—the wood that you carried. Every time you move your head, the thorns dig deeper into your scalp, creating angry piercings into your head that bleed down your face. You can’t even wipe away the blood; your hands are stapled to the wood.

The crowd jeers, yells. They are watching you die. The pain grows stronger with every minute, and you look at the people. Perhaps worse than the crowd taking pleasure in this event are seeing the people who are not. Perhaps your loved ones try to defend you, and the soldiers mercilessly throw them back. You can’t bear to your loved ones cry, to fight for you, to be pulled back. Oh, God, don’t let them be in pain, too.

And that’s just it. God. Your entire life’s mission, all of your duties and hardships—and for what? For a being that seemed to disappear. A being—your God, your Father—has desolated you. The pain in your chest, in your soul, stings worse than the physical pain you are experiencing.

For 3 hours—180 minutes—you endure this torture.

Finally, in a loud voice, you cry out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

And what do they do? They give you a drink. They give you vinegar.

The pain, the despair—you are the only being in your world. No one else can or will experience this magnitude of humiliation or pain or despair. Yet this is not the end. No, you’re far from the end.
You yell once more, and everything suddenly goes black.

Updates & whatnot

It is...Monday evening. 11:20, to be exact.

I am finally feeling better. Sometimes with emotions running high, and my stomach pulsing like a train on wobbly tracks, I get a little panicked. Panicked, as in, seriously--there is no way this situation can land on two feet.

Which is understandable after being ill for a week and a half, knowing that in a few weeks you won't feel too hot again and you'll feel sick again sooner if you step over that fine of food tolerances. However, I understand that I frightened a person or two and I apologize.

For now, I am concentrated less on my stomach, and more on other things. Such as...

Violin. I just started playing Vivaldi's Summer, of The Four Seasons. Beautiful piece!

Writing. It would be so awesome to hold a final copy of my book by summer. And it's looking like I might!

So, yes, I am living the life of a self-absorbed college student. Whereas I hope I'm not being inconsiderate of others in my thoughts and behaviors, I am enjoying owning my schedule, for the most part.

Tomorrow I am back in the kitchens. This would be great, but I really am hoping for a snow day. I would love an extra day to work on my book!!! :)

The House Panini

Summer 2009:

2 slices of Italian Premium (No HFCS) bread
1 layer of thick whip mayo
1 layer of guacamole
1 layer of spinach pesto sauce
2 slices of tomato
3 slices of deli ham
A handful of tomato
1-2 slices of deli provolone cheese

The only guideline is that the thick whip mayo and tomato are next to each other, so that the mayo melts into the tomato and creates this amazing sensation. Oil both outer sides of bread with olive oil. Grill for 4-6 minutes on a panini grill.

Winter 2010:

2 slices of Italian Premium (no HCFS) bread
1 thin layer of guacamole (by the way, NOT ala Austin Powers -- chop it up and make guacamooole out of it)
A good dash of grated parmesan cheese
3 slices of mushroom
3 slices of cucumber
A handful of spinach
Roast beef (if available, sometimes I do go vegetarian for my lunch)
1 tsp of dried basil (which go EXCELLENT on the roast beef, but I'll put it on no matter what)

Lightly oil both outer sides of bread with olive oil on a pastry brush. Grill for 3 minutes.

Please note that I bought that gorgeous plate at Tuesday Morning for (I believe) $1.99.





Vegetable chips make a great side (only about 1/4 cup), as well as a few cold cut sticks of carrots and celery.


I believe the guacamole is organic, but I'm not entirely positive on that one. All other things are HFCS free. Voila.

EDIT: You can do this at home, even if you don't have a grill! Simply grill it old-style on a saute pan. This sandwich costs approximately $2.25 in ingredients, not including coupons or sales. I've sold sandwiches around this quality for about $6.00. So...that saves you around $4.00. Frugal, anyone?